What is a testimony?

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Maybe that’s an obvious question, and we can just ask Mr. Webster for the dictionary definition. But honestly, I think I had it all wrong until a couple of days ago…

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When I used to tell my story I would share about :

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-getting debilitatingly sick in high school with a mystery illness'

-going from doctor to doctor who said they could help but never could

-having to pause college twice and have my Catholic missionary year cut short

-losing the ability to drive, sometimes using a wheelchair, becoming 95% bed ridden

-slowly losing hope with painful treatments in a pain-ridden body

-isolation, fear, and mental health struggles, feeling abandoned and left behind

-no diagnosis for over 4.5 years, and then only to be met with one of the most complicated: Chronic Lyme Disease

-and then of course, after 7 years of illness, the miracle that God brought about through an unexpected medication

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But I really and truly thought my testimony was the story of what I’d (barely) made it through, and some details of where God had shown up along the way.

 

Because if I’m being honest, I still think I made it through all of that on my own - because the isolation was too blinding and the pain too brutal for any One else to possibly be in it with me. And to be honest, in a lot of ways, I still don’t see where God was in many of those days. That’s a hurt I’m still grappling with Him about.

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But when I was in the chapel last week the Lord planted a seed in my heart, and it had to do with my incapability.

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As a recovering perfectionist, incapability is what used to scare me most. But the little seed began to sink into the soil of my heart, and I was totally overwhelmed with peace when it took root in the form of a question:

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“What if your incapability could actually be your greatest relief?”

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What would happen if I finally accepted the fact that there’s no way I made it through all of that pain on my own white-knuckle strength?

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What if I acknowledge that there truly is One who IS capable and DESIRES to come and care for my needs in every way?

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What if His power truly is made perfect in weakness?

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What a relief.

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Because that means even though I couldn’t see Him, Someone was in the fire with me all along.

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And it began to sink in that my testimony is not at all about my capability, but rather about how the Lord stepped into my utter incapability and acted on my behalf every one of those pain-ridden days - making each and every one of them a miracle.

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That’s my testimony - what He has done for me.

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He brought me through, He was with me all along, and now He’s allowing me to share part of that journey with you through the publication of “Sacred Wounds” in just 14 days.

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I still struggle to understand so much of my story, but I’m so grateful for this newly planted truth. Because even though it’s a work in progress, now every word of my testimony can be what it’s meant to be…

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A Magnificat, an utterance of praise.

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Written April 15, 2023